Thursday, February 18, 2010

Mae West: Access to Excess Sex

One does not think of MAE WEST as sex deprived. Mae seems to have had the confidence required for zesty conquests and enough access to willing partners to meet her needs. Nevertheless, there are many older women out there for whom the bedroom has become a battleground.
• • David Schnarch, Ph.D. takes pen in hand to remind his readers: There’s a lot of unquenched fire when one partner lacks desire. And often the more passionate person is female.
• • A Valentine to the Mae West in Every Woman • •
• • David Schnarch, Ph.D. writes: In the classic marital struggles over frequency of sex, who do you envision as the high desire partner? The man? Or the woman?
• • Usually we think of the man as the one who "can't get enough." So much so, that guy's grousing about being sexually deprived has almost become politically incorrect, instantly dismissed as the drivel of an insensitive jerk. But behind this stereotype hides some of the most heartbreaking parts of people's lives.
• • There are a large number of women secretly pining away for a good romp with the man they love. These are the "Invisible Women" who want more sex; older married women who go decades without sexual satisfaction with their partner. In almost half the couples I treat for sexual desire problems, like Anne and Bill, the man is the low desire partner.
• • Women like Anne are easily dismissed from mind. They suffer from loneliness rather than horniness, and crave a little joy rather than more genital relief. Dying to be held for more than five minutes, so they can finally relax in bed. For Anne and Bill, this never happened in the few times a year they had sex, and Anne increasingly feared they would never really connect before they die. Bill was so frightened to let someone really know him, so filled with anxiety, he fumbled through the act. No emotional contact during physical contact. Not that Anne didn't know Bill's secrets and vulnerabilities-the very fact she suffered in silence for years was proof that she knew and loved him. She lay next to Bill each night, complying with his unmarked "no trespass" zone that separated them physically by inches, and emotionally by miles.
• • Lest I paint too chaste a picture, the Annes of the world also want a good romp in the sack. They know when Mae West said, "A hard man is good to find," she wasn't talking about body building. There are lots of women with more than a trace of Mae West in them — — buried under years of trying not to want sex, and feeling bad about themselves because they still do. It's ok for men and generation X girls to declare themself sexually carnivorous, but women who were girls decades ago aren't use to doing that.
• • What's the impact of this kind of deprivation? ....
• • What would Mae West have said to this?
— — Excerpt: — —
• • Article: "A Valentine to the Mae West in Every Woman — — Does Valentine's Day give women what they really want?
• • BY: David Schnarch, Ph.D. | Columnist
• • Published by Psychology Today — —
• • Published on: 17 February 2010

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