Mae West: Dialing 1-800-Not-Dead

Mae West Establishes a Free Rumors Hotline
By I.M. Sirius

HOLLYWOOD - Actress Mae West, whose father was a prizefighter, has come out swinging in an effort to put an end to rumors about her relationship with D.P.s [departed people]. Beginning at 9:00 a.m. (PST) on Monday August 15th, 2005, concerned Mae West fans will be able to dial 1-800-NOT-DEAD to hear the blonde bombshell deny in her own voice various rumors being printed about her in the magazines and tabloids, some founded by her nemesis William Randolph Hearst.
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"At $1.99 a minute billed automatically to the telephone number from which a call is made, this service represents a great bargain for Mae West followers everywhere," said West's publicists at William Morris. "It's one thing for fans to read about Mae's latest denouncement of vicious lies about her premature death and burial in publications founded by Hearst, the father of 'yellow journalism,' but quite another for devotees of the diva to hear the note of disdain in her Brooklyn-accented voice as she refers to Hearst's editors - - one by one and by name - - as that 'two-bit rumor-mongering whore'."
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Save-the-date notices are being mailed about Mae West's birthday party in midtown Manhattan on the evening of Wednesday August 17th, 2005. There are only 84 shopping days left until Mae's birthday, so start browsing jewelry sites. Mae didn't christen herself "Diamond Lil" for nothing.
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Updates on this new hotline will appear on http://MaeWest.blogspot.com shortly.